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Yo Dawg, I Heard You Like Pimp My Ride References

December 23, 2013

Any reference to any hobby or interest, no matter how microscopic, will lead Xzibit and Mad Mike to believe that is the customer’s one and only passion in life. Hence the glorious, glorious meme.

Now, down to business – we’re sick of bloody Xzibit having all the fun and have decided to take matters into our own hands. Got an interesting pastime? Got an uninteresting pastime? It’s all good – if you like it, we can pimp it. Vehicle mod experts West Coast Customs even made a sport-themed car for a guy as they’d found a pair of spiked running shoes in his car. When the poor guy turned up to collect his car, he revealed they were his friend’s old running shoes that had never been taken out of the boot. Gutted.

 

Animal Themes

If you’re about to hand your car over to the guys at WCC, be sure to remove any furry animal toys or any references to any animal, or you could risk being delivered a paintjob like this. We’ve seen it all – zebras, leopards, tigers and even a green spotted Barney the Dinosaur paintjob. Not what everyone has in mind when they think of their ideal car.

Other mods might include:

–          Animal noise soundboard, to make your car roar and purr at the push of a button.

–          Animal noise horn – even worse than the soundboard. When you really want to show your anger at some dodgy driving, you lean on the horn for your car to trumpet and elephant call.

–          17 LCD monitors throughout the car, only featuring looping videos of animal planet – due to your apparent love of all creatures great and small.

–          Dog bone gear stick, rear view mirror, door handles or other minor animal-themed modifications to the otherwise fine handles and objects found inside a typical car.

–          Paw print pedals to reflect your newfound passion for pets.

 

Certain Musical Genres

Another thing to keep in mind when leaving West Coast in creative control of your car’s modifications is the CDs you might’ve left in your car. If you’ve stripped out every piece of nonsense that could create the illusion of any hobby/interest you don’t actually like, you might want to be careful which genre of music the albums are. Do you somehow have 2 Tupac CDs in the glovebox that your friend got you as a joke that you’ve never even unwrapped? Mad Mike and Diggety Dave see this as a shine to the guy – you didn’t unwrap them because you wanted to preserve them for forever – you’ll get a bulletproof glass box to protect them, as well as a larger than life mural of the guy’s face on both sides and on the bonnet of your pimped-out motor! Not the ideal car for a mother of two whose husband bought a gag present one anniversary.

Other modifications might include:

–          Knuckleduster emblems on each seat’s headrest.

–          Gang colour themes such as red for Bloods and blue for Crips.

–          Mobile recording equipment and superbass sound system so you can create your own rap tracks as you cruise around town.

–          Entire Tupac discography stored on a hidden harddrive, linked to your soundsytem, so you’ll never have to listen to anything but your idol until the end of time.

–          Hydrolic switches so your car can bounce like it’s in an Xzibit video.

 

Hello Kitty

Or any other small branded or themed object in your car – imagine you’re a girl whose dad bought her a Playboy bunny shaped air freshener or Hello Kitty nodding toy for the parcel shelf. WCC will assume you have an addiction to the brand – so unless you want a Playboy pimp car or a Hello Kitty vinyl on the sides, you should probably dispose of all rubbish before arrival.

Other modifications could feature:

–          Luxury leather interiors desecrated by a million tiny Playboy logos.

–          Hello Kitty instruments and dials on your dashboard.

 

Designer Brands

For example, leaving those Dolce & Gabbana headrest covers on, leaving a handbag with a Gucci logo on the back seat, or something as simple as that guy you gave your friend a lift home with who left his Lacoste hat. Okay, we’ll admit these can look pretty sophisticated, but not all custom jobs are done to such high a standard – and, if embroidered in house, often contain misspellings such as Lecoste and Chanal, to avoid those pesky copyright infringements.

Even worse than this could be if you have a non-designer brand on show when you hand over your keys – imagine coming back to your vehicle to see a Kappa or Sketchers themed ride! Mortifying.

Other modifications such as:

–          Sparkling fake diamonds and glitter everywhere, if your designer label happens to have a female demographic.

–          Radio removed and replaced with fold-out mirror and makeup station.

–          The entirety of your boot space consumed by a mini-wardrobe because you’re such a trend-setting fashionista you need to switch outfits four times a day.

–          All automaker branding (e.g. Ford badges) replaced with alternative designer labels.

–          A backseat full of new products from your ‘favourite’ brand which you didn’t need, want or ask for.

 

Sports (Baseball)

Unless you’re really into sports, and we mean really really really into sports, make sure you remove any sporting references from your vehicle – God forbid your friend sticks a bumper sticker of a rival football team on your car without your knowledge, and you end up a die-hard Geordie with a Sunderland A.F.C paintjob.

Let’s say you’re a woman who feels particularly vulnerable in this world of crazed serial killers and street gangs. You think might be wise to keep a baseball bat under the driver’s seat. Big mistake:

 

The paintjob. Oh, the horrible, horrible paintjob. As far as West Coast Customs is concerned, you had a bat in your car – ergo, you love baseball.

Other mods would be:

–          Baseball bat handbrake lever.

–          Baseball gear stick topper.

–          White leather with white stitching throughout the car, like a baseball.

–          Fold-out screens linked to another inaccessible HDD, showing only baseball clips back-to-back for the rest of eternity.

–          Home run horn tune – shudder.

 

Unicorns and Rainbows

Let’s set the scene: you’re a grown man, you’ve got a nippy little beetle – not the most masculine of cars, but you’ve thrown some deep dish rims on there and a little spoiler to man it up a bit. And because you’re such a nice guy, you gave your colleague and her 10-year-old daughter a lift home. The girl drops her My Little Pony toy and you throw it on the dashboard in the hope that you’ll remember to return it that way. West Coast takes your car and says ‘don’t you worry, we’ll style this car perfectly based on what we find in your car.’ Flash forward.

Other mods could be:

–          Rainbow headlights – more than just tinted bulbs, they’ll project a full-colour spectrum on the road ahead.

–          Rainbow tassles hanging from the wing mirrors (think little girl bike handles).

–          37 tiny televisions, all tuned into CBeebies so you’ll never again have to miss an episode of MLP, your favourite show.

In short, there are a ton of weird and wonderful modifications available and many, many chop shops and garages who’ll hook you up for the right price. But it’s safer to brief them beforehand – freestyling is a dangerous sport.

About The Author

Jon Le Roux is co-founder and company director of The Car Loan Warehouse. Being a mad engineering and motorsport enthusiast, I spend more hours than is healthy, watching, reading or talking about cars, boats, motorbikes…..basically anything with an engine.