We’ve all played those video games where the gameplay is so unrealistic you might as well be watching kids’ cartoons – where the cars handle like go karts or the spacecrafts seem just disproportionately large. This is a piece for those of you who saw these insane video game vehicles and their mechanics and loved it. So let’s get this thing started – here’s our list of the top 10 video game vehicles where you’d spill blood for a spot in the driver’s seat. Vehicle: Leonardo DaVinci’s Aeroplane Concept Game: Assassin’s Creed II
After the success of the Da Vinci Code, we doubt there’s anyone still unaware of our 14th Century heartthrob Da Vinci – and we suspect there are even fewer who know of his work and saw past the illuminati jigsaw puzzle that was the book. His drawing of the first ever plane in his codex predates the Wright Brothers’ flight by around 400 years! In addition to jumping from building to building and scaling rooftops with ninja-like agility, Assassin’s Creed II gives you a taste of this absolute bad lad first-hand. Vehicle: Black Project Game: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
L1, L2, R1, R2, UP, DOWN, LEFT, RIGHT. This is a deeply nostalgic button combo and something that’ll always just feel ‘right’ every time we pick up a PS2 controller. The jetpack cheat is something we’ll all well and truly take to the grave. Before the days of achievements and wrecking your gamerscore by cheating, there was only one socially acceptable way to travel. The Black Project ketpack, or personal transportation system as it is known, is the way to travel around San Andreas in style – plus dual-weilding tec-9s as you’re flying around town is always a bonus. Vehicle: Banshee Game: Halo 2
The first Halo game took us so long to finish because we spent thousands of lives trying to shoot down a banshee and fly it away. We all had a turn or two before being shot down by the Wraith’s massive energy cannon, but never actually got a chance to mess around like we would’ve hoped. It seemed that Bungie had answered our prayers in the second instalment, with Halo 2 allowing us to fly the Covenant fighter in private matches for hours with friends – with new controls to match so we could loop-the-loop and barrel roll our hearts out (as well as featuring entire missions where we could shoot lasers until our eyes bled). This is one of the most anticipated vehicles in any game’s history and it still totally holds up. Vehicle: Brumak Game: Gears of War 2
Not really a vehicle per se, but it’s badass and can technically be ridden – not that we’re one for technicalities anyway. Bred from apes by the Locust, the Brumak is one of the biggest and baddest problems you’ll find in the series, towering above you at about 50ft tall and weighing 15000kg. The Brumak is not for messing with, and that’s just looking at the teeth – one of which is larger than our hero. Beyond that, it’s got lasers, machine guns and rockets which have somehow been grafted to the monster’s limbs. Commandeering the beast for their final siege in the last hours of Jacinto city, Marcus and Dom go all Jack Sparrow on this colossal creature’s ass. Vehicle: Jet Turbine Bike Game: Earthworm Jim
Pulling into parking space #6 on your rundown of the badass video game vehicles is Earthworm Jim’s preferred mode of transport – essentially just a turbine from a passenger jet with a pair of handlebars attached to the side on top. But holy cow it’s fast, and always leaves undesirables in a trail of space debris. Vehicle: Mech Suit Game: Chrome Hounds & Lost Planet
Whether you’re calling them Mech Suits, Vital suits or big robots you wear with guns on them, you can’t argue that there’s something particularly badass about this kind of weapon. Real Steel, the Hollywood blockbuster, capitalised on this and did it very well. Similar mech suits with cannons and swords are featured in Avatar and they also really got our gears going. No matter who you are, having a giant humanoid tank you strap yourself into appeals to the man in all of us. Vehicle: Warthog Game: Halo
As long as there are Xboxes in the bedrooms of adolescent boys, there’ll be Halo fanboys who will swear on their mother’s grave that the Warthog is the greatest video game car in the history of times. But they’d be wrong. Fair enough, you can throw a grenade under it and it’ll perform more flips than an Olympic gymnast – and true enough, it comes with a Gatling gun or .50 cal as standard. But these assets are not why we love this insane 4×4. We love it because, as you’ll know from finishing the game (SPOILER ALERT), the designers at Bungie created the Warthog in such dimensions that it’ll fit through the doors and hallways inside the Pillar Of Dawn – that’s your main command ship FYI. A 4×4 with a mounted turret that was specifically designed for indoor driving! That’s why the Warthog makes the list. Vehicle: Light Cycle Game: Tron
Let’s be honest – even since the original 1982 Tron (and in spite of its now excruciatingly dated effects), we’ve all wanted a turn on a light cycle. Even playing the Windows 98 game where your bike was a single pixel, you imagined yourself flying through cyberspace in full Tron gear. Then the 2010 remake came along and we were all blown away by the CGI and, ultimately, what the light cycle had become. It’s the baddest two-wheel fun you can have without sellotaping chainsaws to the handlebars! (See below) Vehicle: Chainsaw Bike Game: Dead Rising 2
We know the vehicle of choice in an apocalypse is generally a motorbike but, when it comes to zombies, are you sure you prefer the lack of protection in favour of the nimble and responsive handling you get with a bike? Of course you’re not – but this is easily solved. Waving a chainsaw about when you’re riding seems like it’d probably deal with any stragglers who got close enough to bite. But wait – throttle’s on your right and the clutch is on your left – how do we hold the chainsaws? Enter the chainsaw bike, combining a man-sized off-roader with a cheeky pair of chainsaws using half a roll of duct tape. Sorted. Vehicle: X-wing (but not Y-wing or A-wing) Game: Star Wars
And now, presenting the ultimate video game vehicle, one-man-army-ing its way through wave upon wave of imperial fighters like there’s no tomorrow (see what we did there?). That’s precisely why the X-wing takes the top spot. Nothing messes with the X-wing – and that’s the mistake the Sith made and the reason they’re currently one Death Star down in their efforts to take over the galaxy. What was that – you preferred the A-wing? Blasphemy – we’re guessing you’d probably swap Halo’s Banshee for the horse from Barbie’s Race and Ride if you had the chance. Be gone.
